The Light

The Light

So here I am. Still in the midst of my battle, but so much more at peace. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible just a few short days ago. Here I am, growing, learning, walking through the fire with God right by my side. I am also finding that sharing my struggle is essential not only to my healing and growth but for others.

If you are anything like me you are often afraid to speak about your troubles or even ask for prayer. Either you don’t want to be seen as weak, you are too ashamed, or you don’t want to be seen as an attention seeker. Maybe it is a combination of those. Here’s what God is showing me… we are the church… and because of this none of those things can be true. Our strength is found in our weaknesses, our shame was washed away with Jesus’ blood on the cross, and asking for help is part of the body of Christ.

Learning to let go and actually lean on God’s will is one thing, but when He commands us to lean on Him AND others, we can get lost. I know I have. I hang onto only having a dependency on Him. I will pray all day for others, even for myself, but asking someone to come into my struggle with me is treading on unfamiliar territory. When we let others in, it is a whole new level vulnerability. Letting others into our deepest, darkest, scariest places is terrifying.

But I promise it is so worth it!

I have had so many beautiful, wonderful people lift me up and speak life into me. I’d probably still be drowning in my sorrows if it weren’t for taking off the mask and letting other care for me.

We live in a world where so many people want to be in the center of it all. Attention seekers are everywhere. This world has to revolve around them, and there is no room for anything else. I’m finally seeing now though, others know when you are genuinely peeling back the layers, showing your real self, and asking for help. When we open ourselves up, tell of our struggles, and speak our stories, we can be a light to others. Not being alone in this cruel world is essential.

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.

These battles are our opportunity to shows God’s grace and glory through our own lives. It is what He asks us to do. And it is nothing short of showing Him off when we can say, it was His love and guidance that brought me through. What a testimony!

Our Lord is never going to allow pain without a purpose. Knowing this and actually living this can be quite different. So I’m making it my mission, even during times like this, to still show God’s love to the world. He gives us a very short time here compared to the glorious eternity we will spend in Heaven with Him. I want every moment to count. I want to be His servant, His child, and His light in this dark world, even in the midst of my own darkness.

The devil fights hardest for God’s children. He knows to whom our hearts belong, and he wants nothing more than to steal us away from the Kingdom. The only thing I can say is, the devil can move on, he ain’t getting this girl’s attention for one more second more!

Lay it down at the cross, do not go back and pick it up! I dont care if “it” is anxiety, pain, sin, shame, or fear… I’m leaving it right where Jesus asks me to place it and I’m NOT going back for it!

I’ve been clinging pretty hard to following scripture and hope it gives you what its given to me…

Psalms 116:1‭-‬14

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord : “Please, Lord , save me!” How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord ’s presence as I live here on earth! I believed in you, so I said, “I am deeply troubled, Lord .” In my anxiety I cried out to you, “These people are all liars!” What can I offer the Lord for all he has done for me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and praise the Lord ’s name for saving me. I will keep my promises to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Isaiah 60:19‭-‬20

“No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end.

Philippians 4:4‭-‬9

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

I thank the Lord for His faithfulness and unending love for us! We are never alone! He holds us in His arms and if necessary sends us the right people here on earth.

I will keep my prayer simple again today… Please join me…

Lord, please continue to show me the ways I need to be refined in this fire and help me to always be Your light.

In Jesus’ Name.




I’ve been working over the Christmas holiday stretch (Friday thru tonight) and before you put an ounce of sympathy or empathy on, that’s what is making me uncomfortable. I don’t want to minimize anyone who came into my place of work and gave a gift or their love BUT God chose to place me here and give me a heart for this line of work during this season of my life. The truth of the matter is I celebrate Jesus everyday. Christmas is no different in my heart. I can love Him and celebrate Him no matter where I am! Sure, I miss my family, but again, I miss them every day and I treasure the time I get with them when God blesses me with it.

Every sentence that was a version of “I’m so sorry you have to be here on Christmas”, as kind as it was meant to be, hurt my heart. I am never sorry to be where God calls. Being in His will is what I want, all I want for my life! I want what He wants!

And I was never really alone. Although, at times, I was alone in the police department. I am constantly surrounded by the love of my coworkers and most importantly God’s love. Plus, I got a surprise visit from my best friend. More proof, God has blessed me, those -pathys would be such a waste!

However, it does lead me to another thought… I’m no stranger to loneliness. I’ve been single for almost 4 years. I’ve been living alone, or with a roommate for the past 3 years. I’ve lived over an hour or more away from my hometown for even longer. Silence, it makes loneliness even more real, even louder, and sometimes, very painful.

In this “lonely” time, down time, I can find myself mindlessly scrolling through social media. Over Christmas, I was excited to see pictures of family and friends together celebrating, in matching pjs, opening gifts, being silly, and just loving on each other! But in my scrolling, I started thinking about my friends, family, and strangers alike who would be hurting. The ones who aren’t quite there yet. The ones who would find everyone else’s joy painful, or who hide behind false smiles. Picture after picture of announcements. Engagements. Pregnancies. Love. Love. Love. God’s grace, His goodness from here to there. But still, I couldn’t get past the tugging in my heart, there are His children who STILL feel lost, hurt, lonely and helpless even in the middle of this holiday. There they are, STILL WAITING for their promises to be fulfilled. Wondering why God has “forgotten” them. Like a child who feels like Santa got lost on the way to their house Christmas Eve. The waiting gets tiresome. The waiting gets hurtful. The waiting gets old!


Everytime that you feel alone… He is STILL there.

Everytime that you feel let down… He is STILL there.

Everytime that you feel hurt… He is STILL there.

Everytime that you feel lost… He is STILL there.

Everytime that you feel forsaken… He is STILL there.

Everytime that you feel confused… He is STILL there.


So maybe none of us are like Thomas, and actually got to touch the holes left by the nails, but we still believe. We see the evidence of Him in our lives every single day. So we keep on keeping on. Moving forward into the future and the life He has promised, on this side AND ultimately what we all really want the life with Him in the great beyond!

If you are still in that waiting period, I really want to encourage you. I’m still there too! Waiting for the love of my life, waiting for my dream job, waiting for my answer. Does that sound all too familiar? It took me a long time to understand that God’s goodness, His grace, His will, and His love will always SUSTAIN me. Wanting what He wants for my life will be what truly fulfills my destiny on this side of the blue. If I do not live in His will, something will always be missing.

Open your heart, let Him in. Let Him fill your loneliness. Let Him fill your voids. Let Him heal your hurts. Let Him love you. I promise it will be worth it.

My dig in deeper for the bible, Isaiah! Don’t you have like 15 favorite scriptures from Isaiah?!?! It’s right there in the chapter titles… 40 – Comfort for God’s People, 41 – God’s Help for Israel 

Isaiah 40:28

Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

Isaiah 40:31

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 41:13
For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.
Isaiah 43:18-19
But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
I want to pray with you guys:
Lord, I thank You for this platform, this life, and every blessing that comes with it! I pray to surrender my life to You. I want what you want for my life. I want to hand everything in my life over to You. I want to give it all FREELY to You and not attempt to pick it back up. Once I have laid it at your feet, no take backs. I pray Your comfort over every reader, over every loved one, over every enemy. I pray we can all be more like You in our every day. Many of us are still in our waiting seasons. There is a reason and goodness for that waiting, and we must be in peace for it. I pray we all learn to be thankful for it. Lord, thank You for NEVER leaving any of us alone.
In Jesus’ Name.
With Love,