The Light

The Light

So here I am. Still in the midst of my battle, but so much more at peace. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible just a few short days ago. Here I am, growing, learning, walking through the fire with God right by my side. I am also finding that sharing my struggle is essential not only to my healing and growth but for others.

If you are anything like me you are often afraid to speak about your troubles or even ask for prayer. Either you don’t want to be seen as weak, you are too ashamed, or you don’t want to be seen as an attention seeker. Maybe it is a combination of those. Here’s what God is showing me… we are the church… and because of this none of those things can be true. Our strength is found in our weaknesses, our shame was washed away with Jesus’ blood on the cross, and asking for help is part of the body of Christ.

Learning to let go and actually lean on God’s will is one thing, but when He commands us to lean on Him AND others, we can get lost. I know I have. I hang onto only having a dependency on Him. I will pray all day for others, even for myself, but asking someone to come into my struggle with me is treading on unfamiliar territory. When we let others in, it is a whole new level vulnerability. Letting others into our deepest, darkest, scariest places is terrifying.

But I promise it is so worth it!

I have had so many beautiful, wonderful people lift me up and speak life into me. I’d probably still be drowning in my sorrows if it weren’t for taking off the mask and letting other care for me.

We live in a world where so many people want to be in the center of it all. Attention seekers are everywhere. This world has to revolve around them, and there is no room for anything else. I’m finally seeing now though, others know when you are genuinely peeling back the layers, showing your real self, and asking for help. When we open ourselves up, tell of our struggles, and speak our stories, we can be a light to others. Not being alone in this cruel world is essential.

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.

These battles are our opportunity to shows God’s grace and glory through our own lives. It is what He asks us to do. And it is nothing short of showing Him off when we can say, it was His love and guidance that brought me through. What a testimony!

Our Lord is never going to allow pain without a purpose. Knowing this and actually living this can be quite different. So I’m making it my mission, even during times like this, to still show God’s love to the world. He gives us a very short time here compared to the glorious eternity we will spend in Heaven with Him. I want every moment to count. I want to be His servant, His child, and His light in this dark world, even in the midst of my own darkness.

The devil fights hardest for God’s children. He knows to whom our hearts belong, and he wants nothing more than to steal us away from the Kingdom. The only thing I can say is, the devil can move on, he ain’t getting this girl’s attention for one more second more!

Lay it down at the cross, do not go back and pick it up! I dont care if “it” is anxiety, pain, sin, shame, or fear… I’m leaving it right where Jesus asks me to place it and I’m NOT going back for it!

I’ve been clinging pretty hard to following scripture and hope it gives you what its given to me…

Psalms 116:1‭-‬14

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord : “Please, Lord , save me!” How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord ’s presence as I live here on earth! I believed in you, so I said, “I am deeply troubled, Lord .” In my anxiety I cried out to you, “These people are all liars!” What can I offer the Lord for all he has done for me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and praise the Lord ’s name for saving me. I will keep my promises to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Isaiah 60:19‭-‬20

“No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end.

Philippians 4:4‭-‬9

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

I thank the Lord for His faithfulness and unending love for us! We are never alone! He holds us in His arms and if necessary sends us the right people here on earth.

I will keep my prayer simple again today… Please join me…

Lord, please continue to show me the ways I need to be refined in this fire and help me to always be Your light.

In Jesus’ Name.


The Rock

The Rock

So, I know it’s been a hot minute since my last post, but I’ve found myself in a position I’m quite unfamiliar with. I wanted to share my struggle while in the middle of it. I’m very vulnerable right now… My heart hurts… Satan is attacking me hard.

I’m always “that” girl. The one standing firm on the rock. I’ve never wavered in my faith. I only find ways to see God’s point of view and pray harder. Life doesn’t get me down, and if it does, those moments flash by.

But today and for a few yesterdays, I haven’t been able to find “that” girl. I lost her. I spent all of my Monday crying. If I was awake, I was in tears. I even left my bible tear-stained and wrinkled. If someone speaks to me, asks how I am, I can’t even muster up the little white lie of “fine”. I just have to nod and walk away, end the conversation, OR cry right through it.

I started having the best week ever. I met so many wonderful, Jesus loving, light shining people on tour. Each one touched my heart in some way. I was so blessed to be given insight and guidance toward my future.

In the moments ending my time with that last tour, I found myself wrecked, emotional, and lost. As hopeful as I once was, I crash landed into a pit of discouragement, selfdoubt, and fear.

I know, I know… Like no one has ever felt this way before. But this time, it was me, the one who never falters, falling flat into despair. Music, my friends, my family, and even diving into the Word have not lifted me out. I know my only healer is going to be Jesus. He just hasn’t saved me from this yet. And if I’m still in that place, I know my God has to be refining me. He has to have me in the fire, only to prove I will walk out victorious. Jesus was not sacrificed on that cross for me to live my life according to satan’s lies.

I know the truth, living it is just harder than I would wish it to be. But I think that’s the beauty in the prayers I’ve remembered praying. You know the scary ones. The prayers that ask God to make me into who He needs me to be… Prayers begging for the allowance of me serving Him…. Prayers in this very moment of Him to allow me to suffer as long as it takes. BUT my worldly view has me wanting to scream out to Him to stop this storm immediately. I want to be healed RIGHT NOW! I just know that is never going to help me, it is never going to push me into my destiny or His will over my life.

Anybody reading this who is in their turmoil, you are not alone! You are in a moment specifically designed by satan to take you down, but taken over by our God to make you a new creation and to learn to rely fully on His love. Do not doubt His love for you. Do not doubt your worth. Do not doubt the future planned for you is greater than your imagination can design.

I have learned that satan attacks hardest when we are closest to our breakthroughs. I’m ready for the beauty on the other side of this pain, but I’m also ready for what the Lord has to show me. I want Him to do work in and through me.

I have so many pieces of scripture for study and peace during this time…

Psalms 63:1‭-‬11

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you! I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely. But those plotting to destroy me will come to ruin. They will go down into the depths of the earth. They will die by the sword and become the food of jackals. But the king will rejoice in God. All who swear to tell the truth will praise him, while liars will be silenced.

Really you can find so much of God’s love anywhere in Psalms! Study it, live in it, love in it, find peace in it!

My prayer is very simple for this day, if ya’ll wanna pray it with me:

All I can say is Lord have Your way in me.

In Jesus’ Name.