So here I am. Still in the midst of my battle, but so much more at peace. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible just a few short days ago. Here I am, growing, learning, walking through the fire with God right by my side. I am also finding that sharing my struggle is essential not only to my healing and growth but for others.

If you are anything like me you are often afraid to speak about your troubles or even ask for prayer. Either you don’t want to be seen as weak, you are too ashamed, or you don’t want to be seen as an attention seeker. Maybe it is a combination of those. Here’s what God is showing me… we are the church… and because of this none of those things can be true. Our strength is found in our weaknesses, our shame was washed away with Jesus’ blood on the cross, and asking for help is part of the body of Christ.

Learning to let go and actually lean on God’s will is one thing, but when He commands us to lean on Him AND others, we can get lost. I know I have. I hang onto only having a dependency on Him. I will pray all day for others, even for myself, but asking someone to come into my struggle with me is treading on unfamiliar territory. When we let others in, it is a whole new level vulnerability. Letting others into our deepest, darkest, scariest places is terrifying.

But I promise it is so worth it!

I have had so many beautiful, wonderful people lift me up and speak life into me. I’d probably still be drowning in my sorrows if it weren’t for taking off the mask and letting other care for me.

We live in a world where so many people want to be in the center of it all. Attention seekers are everywhere. This world has to revolve around them, and there is no room for anything else. I’m finally seeing now though, others know when you are genuinely peeling back the layers, showing your real self, and asking for help. When we open ourselves up, tell of our struggles, and speak our stories, we can be a light to others. Not being alone in this cruel world is essential.

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.

These battles are our opportunity to shows God’s grace and glory through our own lives. It is what He asks us to do. And it is nothing short of showing Him off when we can say, it was His love and guidance that brought me through. What a testimony!

Our Lord is never going to allow pain without a purpose. Knowing this and actually living this can be quite different. So I’m making it my mission, even during times like this, to still show God’s love to the world. He gives us a very short time here compared to the glorious eternity we will spend in Heaven with Him. I want every moment to count. I want to be His servant, His child, and His light in this dark world, even in the midst of my own darkness.

The devil fights hardest for God’s children. He knows to whom our hearts belong, and he wants nothing more than to steal us away from the Kingdom. The only thing I can say is, the devil can move on, he ain’t getting this girl’s attention for one more second more!

Lay it down at the cross, do not go back and pick it up! I dont care if “it” is anxiety, pain, sin, shame, or fear… I’m leaving it right where Jesus asks me to place it and I’m NOT going back for it!

I’ve been clinging pretty hard to following scripture and hope it gives you what its given to me…

Psalms 116:1‭-‬14

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord : “Please, Lord , save me!” How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord ’s presence as I live here on earth! I believed in you, so I said, “I am deeply troubled, Lord .” In my anxiety I cried out to you, “These people are all liars!” What can I offer the Lord for all he has done for me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and praise the Lord ’s name for saving me. I will keep my promises to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Isaiah 60:19‭-‬20

“No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end.

Philippians 4:4‭-‬9

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

I thank the Lord for His faithfulness and unending love for us! We are never alone! He holds us in His arms and if necessary sends us the right people here on earth.

I will keep my prayer simple again today… Please join me…

Lord, please continue to show me the ways I need to be refined in this fire and help me to always be Your light.

In Jesus’ Name.

Amen.